Time out, officially!

There have been times when I came back to hostel from my home & the first thing I do in the morning would be to brush my teeth. But the reasons would be marginally more than habit, hygiene, & worries of increments in dental insurance premia. I would look at the sun in from the window adjoining the basin-mirrors in the hostel bathrooms, and think how the sun would have risen back home and wonder how I’d be home again one day.

Tonight the ball is in another court & it is not going to bounce back. A few hours from now, when the sun would rise, I wouldn’t be able to see it while brushing my teeth…because there is no window besides the wash-basin mirror out here. Times have changed. The reality is that I’m finally home now, and I’d never ever be back at my hostel again… :’(

Using Gujarati (which my friends have got sickeningly used to back at the hostel):

Badho adhaar chhe ena jati veLa na jova par,
Milan maathi nathi maLta mahobbatt na puravao...

(It all depends on the way they see on the parting-note,
The proofs of affection lie not in the times of reunions…)

I bade my last good-byes of various sorts when I got separated from my just-friends, more-than-friend-friends, hi5-friends & so on…

…one, quite silent, because we both knew what was in each others hearts.

…one, mockingly humorous, because our hometown is the same and we shall meet in a matter of days.

…one, where my friend hugged (or crushed?) me tight and we told how we both will miss each other big-time.

…one, just after I felt I had comforted & hugged her, wishing her better times in both the immediate and distant future.

…one, when he hugged me tight time & again, crying like a baby again and again and again and again and again and again.

…one, just a normal casual good-bye, wishing that she be able to squeeze the maximum amount of money out of ICFAI-Hyderabad (a dream come true).

…one, which accompanied me from my room to the main gate, found me conveyance, and kept on standing and waving till the horizons.

…one, highly surprising; when I was sitting in a 7-seater’s convertible rear, she seated in the front seat of a Toyota Qualis coming right behind me on the road & I realized just in time to recognize her and give a flying kiss, only to find her hiding her face in bashfulness.

…and then there were some friends, whom I didn’t feel the need to hug & wish good-bye, because deep down in my heart, I knew that come-what-may, these people will hunt me down from burning hell and give me a moment of heaven by gracing me with their mere presence.

I’m not brooding over the past. Nor am I crying about not being able to live it again. But I still feel sad… & I want to cry because something is with me no more. Just like the time I cried after arriving for the first time in hostel after leaving my home. I know that I left the campus with more happy memories than anybody I know; the need arising here to say that I left with not a quarter, not a third, not a half, but at least hundred times more happy memories than sad ones!

I also encountered police check post during my way from campus to the city (which we’d managed to do without for almost two years now). I also had a close brushing encounter with my dissertation guide, whom I’d told I’d left the campus about a day ago to do away with my presentation early. And all the way home, I sung our farewell song (it is in my Orkut videos) to myself, in a desperate attempt of self-soothing.

It’s 4:40 in the morning (in true MBA style, you’d think) (mind you, the blog may sport a different time due to time-zone differences) & I feel that right now I’m a lot relaxed vis-à-vis how I was when I started typing this manuscript; hoping for good times ahead…

Hasmukh :)

Time out

As they say...well, there've been a host of quotations about endings & friends & changes & the likes in my G-talk friend's list, but it’s simply much more harder than this to digest the fact that the wonderful journey of MBA has ended. The exams ended today & I spent my evening photographing the campus...I'm uploading the favourite one below (& for those who don't get it; its a view of the acad-bloc's main entrance, the haziness signifies a nostalgic feeling to me):

And with this, 0nce again the time of changes has come knocking on my doorstep. It was not so long ago that I left the comforts of my home and came to a totally new place. But the thing that hurt the most was to leave my family.

Segue to being gregarious has been a hard one and still incomplete, but I must say that I’ve made considerable progress & that I’m no more a rock island. Some of my friends will never believe this, let alone agreeing to it; so I’d just leave it aside.

But the shock of shocks came to me when I realized just how much I’d changed…when I was studying for my penultimate exam and I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d do without any of my new family members around.

I’d ping for old question papers of OOB and have a group-discussion on IPMsg about “Chameli Ki Shaadi”, just to realize how I’d miss searching, sharing, transferring and chatting in groups. I’d go to the men’s room to realize how important a part the mens’ rooms play as a socializing site in the hostel. And when I’d return back to my book, I’d open it to find that I’m going crazy at 5:00 A.M. in the morning & I hadn’t read a word, just due to my mind racing all the time about my new fear…

Thankfully, I am in a much better shape (not physically of course), now that I can watch movies and play games on LAN. But this too shall be a thing of the past soon. Tell me, all you unfortunate souls (because you selected the papers in such a way that your exams get over a day after mine; and the electives are just too heavy to be tackled bye post-placement-4th-sem-MBA mood) who took up FRM (Financial Risk Management), RMB (Risk Management in Banks) & the likes as electives, is there any way you can "manage" this risk of losing friends & relationships? Again, like at countless other times, my B.A. roots have shown me the way...

Not forever does the bulbul sing

In balmy shades of bowers,

Not forever lasts the spring

Nor ever blossom flowers.

Not forever reigneth joy,

Sets the sun on days of bliss,

Friendships not forever last,

They know not life, who know not this.

---from 'A Train To Pakistan'
by Khushwant Singh

Hasmukh :)

One small blog for man...

Hey,

I have finally managed to enter the world of blogging...the credit goes to the MBA which has put me (of all the people) into the habit of continuously doing something. The third semester being officially over today and about 3 days to go for "day-0" of placements, I am left with pretty much nothing to do and have thus chosen this path.

While I am typing this, there is a spell-binding scenario seen from my fifth floor balcony. I hear the sounds of rain & thunder as the omnipresent green horizons are faded by the rain, wind causing waves in the falling water (just like what we see in Hindi films when the "actress" is standing in the rain wearing a chiffon sari and a lace blouse and is embarrassed of the situation, which of course she didn't think would arise when she was in front of the mirror!). I feel like having tea while I am looking at this, but the thought reminds me of my home.....

Home; place where I can lie in the position I want to, looking at anything I feel like, and wearing anything I am comfortable in. Home; place where the juniours are going today. Home; place where I spent 21 years of my life. Home; place which brings to my mind the most nostalgic emotions. Home; place which dictionary.com primarily defines as “a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household”, but still fails miserably to capture its meaning. Home; where you return to when you feel like you want to stop feeling. Home; place which, to me, still remains but an abstract noun.....just like a major chunk of my dictionary. Home; place where I can have the amount of tea I like, just the way i like it.

But coming back to tea, I see that the rain has stopped, the sky is clear and the spectacular window by the table (which is much more advanced than an electronic canvas) is now portraying a sunset; which tells me that I am again going to be late for tea in the mess.....I'v got to hurry!

Hasmukh :)